Depression….@#%*{

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”   – J.K. Rowling

On June 6, 2016, my life changed. Suffering from deep depression I hit my bottom as a human being. A week later I entered a treatment facility where I would stay for over 30 days. This was the hardest decision to make because I would not be able to see my boys expect on Sunday’s.

For me to get better and live, I had to do a lot of “listening without demand” whether I liked it or not (Arnett, Fritz, & Bell, p. 132). This historic moment in time not only affected me but everyone around me.  I would have to patch myself back together, reestablish relationship’s with my children, my spouse, my friends, and my place of employment. During this painful time I was able to evaluate myself and do much needed self-reflection. As in point 3 in a dialogic ethic in interpersonal communications, “the relationship must be negotiated of anew friendships, in relationship with significant others, and with parents. Negotiation reminds us of the consistency of change that “I” can never control, but that “we” must negotiate together.” (Arnett, Fritz, & Bell, p. 132).

During this almost unbearable time, I received more helpful actions than unhelpful. The unhelpful actions came from myself. I was broken. My soul was sick and I was extremely hard on myself. Through clinical treatment and continued outpatient therapy, I am slowly mending. I know the inpatient treatment saved me from the outside world and myself. I learned to take care of “me” from which I would then be able to take care of other areas in my life.

The helpful actions ultimately outnumbered the unhelpful actions. My family supported me through and continues to give me the space and time to keep healing. My employer welcomed me back like nothing had never happened. And today, I am feeling healthy and engaged in this wonderful thing we call life.

Even now I still have my days, but I instantly get out of my head and remember the grace, mercy, and love I am able to receive. I am grateful for my hardships, I am thankful for my failures, because they have taught me more about living than any other experiences in my life.

I want to close with a quote from Dr. Brene Brown, shame researcher at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, “owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”

http://brenebrown.com/about/

 

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